Easily the standout film from the U.S. Dramatic Competition category at this year's Sundance Film Festival, Dìdi (弟弟) marks writer/director, Sean Wang as one to look out for, especially considering that his short film, “Nǎi Nai & Wài Pó (Grandma & Grandma)” is nominated for Best Documentary Short at this year's Academy Awards. Dìdi (弟弟) has been acquired by Focus Features.
"Everyone hates me and i'm losing all my friends."
There is one point in Dìdi (弟弟)- which chronicles the summer between middle school and high school for the 13-year-old Asian American boy, Chris- in which Chris types in a chat box on his clunky 2008 computer, "Everyone hates me and I'm losing all my friends." The sight of these words typed out on the screen immediately stung me because it reminded me of things I used to say when I was a child. Specifically, I remember one time when I was maybe between 6 and 8 years old, I was visiting my extended family and feeling so sad and alone and alienated that I wrote on a piece of paper the words, "Everyone hates me" and showed it to my mom. From such a young age, so long ago, I was saying those words that I carried with me deep into my adolescence: "Everyone hates me." When I look back on that now, I feel so sad that I could say such a thing, but I can't remember a time when I didn't feel that way. Watching Dìdi (弟弟), I was brought back to those painful days of adolescence when I just couldn't shake those words. I remembered all the times I messed up and embarrassed myself and hurt people, and I felt so much compassion for that poor younger me who just didn't know how to get out of his own head.
Dìdi (弟弟) traces how shame and self-hatred follow teenage boys from their home life to their school life, to their online life, to their romantic life, and more. It begins with arguments at the dinner table in which they internalize every mean thing their family says to them, but keep a tough outer appearance because it's easier to toss insults at each other than be vulnerable. Then they spend time stalking the social media pages of classmates, comparing themselves to others, and taking notes to change how they act to impress people because they don't think their true self is enough. Then, at school they hang out with the cruelest group of people- other middle schoolers- who judge and make fun of each other constantly and are ready to abandon each other the second one of them does something wrong or isn't cool anymore. Then, they face the pressure of finding a romantic partner for the sake of social validation at such a young age and feel ashamed when any minor interaction with their crush goes wrong. All of this is the universal part of the teenage experience, but it's even harder in different cultural contexts such as Chris's experience as an Asian person who is always the butt of the joke for his "friends" and gets told he's "cute for an Asian" by his crush. It's through all these painful interactions and experiences that the words "everyone hates me" begin to find a place in Chris's mind. This is made evident through an incredibly vulnerable performance by actor, Izaac Wang.
Perhaps a time when all of these tumultuous emotions are at a peak is the transition between middle school and high school. This is the summer in which the stakes feel higher than ever for a teenage boy, and it all starts to feel too real. It's all about acting older than they are and impressing people with their maturity. One particular sequence that is especially uncomfortable and relatable for me is when Chris goes to a party with his skater friends who are older than him. This reminded me of the feeling of being at a party where everyone is older than you and you don't know most of them and there's drinking and drugs and so much stuff that suddenly feels too grown-up, too real. And Dìdi (弟弟) doesn't present this situation in a way that's patronizing about "peer pressure", but with empathy and compassion and honesty. Chris takes a hit off a blunt just to impress these guys he barely knows, and when he offers it to his older friend whom he looks up to, the friend says "Oh I don't smoke." It's a painful realization that other people are comfortable being themselves and are still well-liked, and he doesn't need to pretend to be somebody else to be cool. this act he puts up is for nothing, and his insecurity only digs him deeper into a hole of embarrassment and shame.
Dìdi (弟弟) is packed with scene after scene like this- all these little moments that feel way too real and force me to relive feelings I haven't felt in a while, but one of the aspects of this film that resonates with me the most is the family dynamic. There are certain intricacies within that dynamic that I can't relate to since a lot of them are specific to the experience of being an Asian child, but I appreciate those themes, and I still relate a lot to the more universal parts of Chris's familial relationships. Of course, there's the typical fraught parent-child relationship that occupies every coming-of-age film (though it's no less impactful here). Joan Chen gives a beautiful performance as a mother under pressure from everyone around her: fellow Asian parents whose children excel at academics, her mother-in-law who constantly criticizes her parenting abilities and reminds her that her husband in Taiwan is paying for her to be in America, and her own children who refuse to show any vulnerability with her and push back on any attempts at connection by yelling at or dismissing her. The smallest moments with her character break my heart, such as when she shows Chris a stunning painting she made of their family and asks what he thinks of it, and he barely looks at it and just says "I look stupid". Then later on when Chris's older friends come to his house, they tell his mother that they love her paintings and her face lights up because clearly no one in that house has ever shown any interest in her art. Chris is embarrassed by her and slams the door in her face, and his friend just says "Dude, don't talk to your mom like that." Suddenly Chris is made aware of how wrong his behavior around his mom is once other people are there to witness it.
Scenes like this delicately create so much compassion for every character involved, bringing empathy to the perspectives of both Chris and his mother. Similar to watching Lady Bird (2017) or When You Finish Saving the World (2023) or Eighth Grade (2018), it reminds me of all the times I was cruel to my mom and how awful I was sometimes, and that feeling never fails to resonate with me no matter how many times I see it on screen.
Dìdi (弟弟) now earns its place among a long canon of similar coming-of-age films that will touch the hearts of children and parents alike, and I hope it reaches a wide audience because I know so many people will love it.
It's uncomfortable to be brought back to a time when I experienced so much pain and self-doubt, but it's important to relive those experiences so that I can both express compassion for my inner child and be reminded that even when I thought my life was horrible back then, I always had a beautiful family to support me, and I always will. Sometimes those words, "Everyone hates me" still cross my mind, but they're distant now. That sad, lonely child is distant, and the only times I experience those feelings now is through the safety of a screen, through which I can just give that child a hug and tell him it's all okay.
Written by Owen Felton
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